Blog

No Good Way

On September 12, 2008, in Lifestyle, by Meghan
11

There is no good way to walk away from something that you love.

Walking away from Yellowstone and all of its trappings, like this young elk calf, is not easy.

There are a number of poor options, of course. You can savor and soak up every little detail with each remaining moment until someone has to pull you kicking and temper tantrum-ing away. Alternatively, you can linger a bit, hover quietly in the shadows, carefully absorbing, until you walk away silently, looking once over your shoulder as you go. Or, you can bullet yourself out of dodge express train-like and in an eye blink so that neither you nor anyone else knows exactly what happened.

It’s a natural part of my personality to choose what I suppose is the worst of those options, to bullet myself away express train-like. Why pang and angst and create more emotion than is necessary when the ending result is the very same loss? I’d rather just grab some big old knife, sever the ties, and sprint off into the sunset of my waning Yellowstone National Park life undetected. This is not a great option, though, for anyone but myself. Really, I can’t just drop life’s reigns and run like hell. In doing so, I would inappropriately abandon important people and responsibilities. Instead, I’ve chosen the best of those not stellar options and I’ll linger about, carefully absorbing, until it’s time to quietly go.

This is very hard for me to do! It’s so challenging to be immersed in the superb local cross country community knowing that it’s not really mine anymore. I find it an enormous undertaking to schedule my last long run in my favorite local training grounds, the Bridger Mountains. I struggle to participate in the frequent run and hot springs soak with my closest friend because there are only a few more of those left.

Yeah, well, suck it up, you will say! You will tell me that I have created this life change, and now I must live it. I’m trying; I will. But that doesn’t mean it won’t be difficult.

Tagged with:
 

11 Responses to “No Good Way”

  1. Trail Goat says:

    Hugs!

  2. Bob Gentile says:

    Yeah, well, suck it up, you will say!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    exactly πŸ™‚

    OK here is some good news you can always come back and visit…

    You are getting close to that stage when we do something NEW or Different — called Highest anxiety vs. lowest knowledge.

    So your emotions are normal…to leave an area you care about and go to area you have unknowns…it’s hard but you and I both know that is when you grow.

    Ultra Running-YOU Keep Moving and

    Life-YOU Keep Growing !

    so suck it up “nancy” and get back to packing πŸ™‚

  3. saschasdad says:

    Yeah, it’s definitely hard to leave something (people, places, etc) that you’ve grown so fond of over the years. I’ve done the severing all ties with a knife thing. I don’t really recommend it. I think at events like TR, they always end with lots of drinking so we don’t all just sit around crying and saying bye. Enjoy your final couple of weeks with your Yellowstone friends. And maybe you’ll even weep.

  4. Roslyn says:

    I really feel for you. I find leaving a place where I was happy very hard. But having loved reading your blog when you were in Big Bend (when I first got hooked) and then in Yellowstone, I’m really looking forward to your new adventures in Yosemite.

  5. Beth says:

    Oh…leaving is tough. Good luck Meghan. I’ll be thinking of you!

  6. JeffO says:

    You’ve been mighty gifted with the opportunity to live, play, and work in Big Y. You’ll gain more new friends in Little Y.
    Besides, the weather in Little Y is way more your style!
    If you were a Big Girl, you’d have some Big Girl Panties to put on to help you deal with it. But you’re kinds scrawny, ya know? Heck, next to Leslie thighs, it’s hard to notice you!
    OK, that’s a bit of an exaggeration.
    Good luck with all of that.

  7. Meghan says:

    Thanks for the kind words and overall niceness, y’all!

    Bryon- Hugs to you, too! Thanks, Bryon!

    Bob-Ok Mr. Lack Of Sympathy, you have a good day, too. πŸ˜‰ In all seriousness, thanks for the thoughts.

    Sean- There’s no crying in baseball! I *pray* that there will be no weeping. πŸ™‚ Thanks, Sean!

    Roslyn- Is it possible to be equally sad and excited? If so, I think that’s how I feel. Thanks for the kind thoughts, and thanks for reading throughout all these years! You’ve certainly seen it all by now. πŸ™‚

    Beth- Thank you!

    JeffO- Aw man, am I ever looking forward to that weather! Ha ha, scrawny! I’ve heard it before, don’t worry. Thanks, JeffO!

    Happy weekending all!
    Meghan

  8. Hart says:

    i feel for you because i am in the process of doing as well. i had a mini anxiety attack cleaning my closet out in seattle the other day. i’m making the rounds to say goodbye (again).

  9. Danni says:

    Moving is hard but like the girl scouts say make new friends but keep the old ones as silver and the others gold. . or something :p

  10. Meghan says:

    Happy Sunday!

    Matt- It’s hard, isn’t it? Wishing you the best for your move. I’m curious as to where you are headed now? πŸ™‚

    Danni- You did not actually post that, did you? Too silly!

  11. Journey to a Centum says:

    Like an old friend Yellowstone will always be there for you! It’s good to make new friends too!

    Look out Yosemite Meghan’s coming to town!

Leave a Reply